I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
Drunk walkin through police station. America
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
Randomize
