Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
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