I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
Randomize
