At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
Randomize
