is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
Randomize
