I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
Randomize
