I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
Randomize
