my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
