I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
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