at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
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