tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
