my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
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