I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
