I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
Randomize
