the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
Randomize
