even my farts smell like vagina
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
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