call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
