She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
Randomize
