So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
Randomize
