I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
