I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
Randomize
