he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
Randomize
