im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
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