addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
