I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
