Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
Randomize
