covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
Randomize
