How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
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