I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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