the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
