Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
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