I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
Randomize
