you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
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