She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
Randomize
