If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize
