Soap is not a condiment
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Randomize
