I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Randomize
