She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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