i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
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