A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
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