Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
Randomize
