I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
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