Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
Randomize
