ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
now i know why i became what i already was.
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
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