Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
She tied me up with her honor cords...
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
Brb crying the tears of my youth
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Randomize
