PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
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