Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
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