i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
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