fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
Randomize
