My first STD was from a foam party
too bad you live with your parents still
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
Randomize
