Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
Randomize
