My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
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