how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
Randomize
