I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
Getting drunk in a different country is not a good idea. Lets just say spanish women, 17 yr olds from missouri, prostitutes, and a poodle. I don´t want to leave spain.
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
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