Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
You're my favorite asian/girl I've met here.
You're ridiculous
Your hot
I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
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