Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Randomize
