Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
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